by Nina
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| Meditation, 1936 by Rene Magritte |
I received the following comment on my post from yesterday Speaking Truth to Power About Sexual Abuse that concerned me:
“Please, can you stay away from this deluge of articles related to sex and sexual abuse. It has nothing to do with healthy aging. Westerners are fascinated by sex and sexual culture and YFHA is proving this true with so many articles devoted to this topic. A drum requires to be played on both sides, Same is true with all these stories. For every Guru that could not control their sensual impulses, there is a student that encouraged and advanced such behavior from the guru. Let the likes of Rain not act as puritans.”
For such a short comment, it brought up so many issues. So rather than responding in the comment section, I thought I’d respond today in a second post. I will go through the comment point by point.
1. It has nothing to do with healthy aging.
I do not agree. First, people who are sexually abused suffer from many physical and mental health problems as a result, so it harms their health. And the stress alone created by these experiences can cause serious health problems (see About Stress: Acute vs. Chronic). Second, an abusive yoga teacher will poison the experience of practicing yoga for those he has abused as well as for those who merely witness it or hear about it. This can end up robbing yoga practitioners of their practice and commitment to yoga. Karen Rain, for example, was never able to practice yoga again after her traumatic experiences. So, the abusive teacher is essentially depriving these students of being able to even have a yoga for healthy aging practice. Finally, to practice yoga for healthy aging in a productive way (after all, equanimity is an essential part of yoga for healthy aging), students need good teachers who provide them with safe spaces within which to practice.
2. Westerners are fascinated by sex and sexual culture and YFHA is proving this true with so many articles devoted to this topic.
As far as I know, there is no country on this earth, whether east or west, north or south, where rape and sexual abuse are considered normal and acceptable behavior. In fact, these acts are considered “crimes,” not “sex.” And although in the West we have ramped up our public discussion about these problems recently, partly as a result of the #MeToo movement, these issues are also being discussed worldwide. This can only be a good thing because ignoring the issue—as it has been in the past—has not proved to be a solution to this worldwide problem.
3. A drum requires to be played on both sides, Same is true with all these stories. For every Guru that could not control their sensual impulses, there is a student that encouraged and advanced such behavior from the guru.
As a yogi, a “guru” should be able to control his sensual impulses. This is done through practicing one of the yamas, brahmacharya, which is chastity or sexual restraint. As a teacher, the yoga teacher has a higher duty—regardless of temptations and/or the possible desires of his students—to insure a safe environment for his/her students.
Of course, it is essential that yoga teachers—as well as all of us—to refrain from acting on “sensual impulses” with those who haven’t explicitly consented. This is criminal behavior.
4. Let the likes of Rain not act as puritans.
Being against the molestation of yoga students by their teacher is not being anti-sex. Sexual acts of any kind when there is no consent are assault and are, in many cases, crimes. Please see Yoga and #MeToo: Toward A Culture With Zero Tolerance For Sexual Assault for more information.
5. Please, can you stay away from this deluge of articles related to sex and sexual abuse.
In my opinion, we are just in the beginning phases of an important conversation we need to have within the yoga community. If we are come up with real-world solutions to these problems, we need to hear both from women and men on this topic. And that includes right here on this blog.
P.S. Gratitude to my husband, Brad, who helped me with this post.
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thank you for dealing with the unreasonable request frankly, openly and honestly rather than sweeping the topic under the rug. learning to sit with being emotionally uncomfortable (as long as the situation is safe) and meditation about why you feel that is also part of a yoga practice and a good mental health practice. shutting down discussion of topics because you want to empathize with the accused shames those that have suffered. We cannot grow if we cannot discuss that which has hurt us as a culture, as men and woman, and this is hardly unique to the west. in fact the west had puritanical beginnings and has come quite far in trying to lesson cultural restraints that allowed unhealthy relationships with our own bodies and intimacy to continue.
Keep it up, it has been hushed up for to long, if we don't discuss sexual abuse we are only condoning it. #metoo
Well said
Thank you
Nina, so glad that you broke down this ignorant email!
I completely support your position on this. Thank you for your posts.
Any teacher-student relationship (in any field of teaching) inevitably has an imbalance of power,whether the teacher feels that or not. And it is the teacher's professional obligation (as well as most would say their moral duty) to be aware of this and not exploit it.
I feel the objector cannot have looked at the YfHA archives – there are SO many posts on so many topics, it is not possible to feel that there are a diproportionate number on issues related to abuse!
Thank you for repeatedly speaking about sexual abuse in the yoga community! If we hope to create the sorts of safe spaces in which yoga practitioners can thrive, then we must be willing to talk about abuse — the times when teachers misuse their power and dreadful harm is done. Thanks also for such a lucid response to the comment. It was a comment in which every sentence reflected ignorance about the dynamics of abuse.
Nina, I appreciate your thoughtful detailed response. Expressing your view on the need to discuss sexual abuse in terms of yogic philosophy was excellent. Thank you.
Thank you. I appreciate you speaking up on the subject.
Thank you for your clear and concise discussion of this very serious and important issue. I appreciate your frank discussion of our role as teacher, 'guru' to be aware and respectful of the power that is inherent in these roles and our ethical obligation to act towards others – especially those we teach – with the utmost respect and care. We must be able to have these dialogues to expose, understand and deal with power issues and the resultant impact on our culture and communities.
This is an important topic that needs to be discussed. I think your posts are thoughtfully written and relevant. Thank you for all of them.
Thank you so much for writing and continuing to write about the sexual abuse in the yoga world. You inspired me to post in the private 200YTT FaceBook page for teachers who went through the training I did a few years ago. I suggested that these dark acts be a part of the yoga history module. As a new teacher in training, I would have liked to have known about the behavior of these "famous" men who we applaud because of the contributions of their specific yoga lineages. I would have also likes to have known that the beloved Mr Iyengar often hit or kicked his students. Not acceptable!
I could not agree with you more, and thank you- I agree- this is just the beginning of the conversation.
When I was a high school student in the late Sixties, a group of us drove to Seattle every week to take yoga classes from a well-known professor who taught yoga "on his own" outside of the university. After one of the classes, my younger sister said she opened her eyes during a class where the teacher had us moving our pelvises, and he was staring straight at her as he thrust his pelvis in rhythm with hers, and he sort of gave her a look when he saw that she noticed. She was really upset. After class, many of the older men would grab us who were fifteen and sixteen in "hugs" I was horribly uncomfortable with. Although one of my group of friends grew up to become a world-famous yoga teacher in whose classes I cannot imagine such behavior taking place, I was put off yoga for decades. I agree with the posters here who applaud Nina for her eloquent response to someone saying "let's stop this talk about sexual predation." That same call is already being made everywhere to those speaking up about sexual abuse in many forms, and for those just finding their/our voices, to be told to shut up highlights the shaming.
I also want to thank you, Nina, for your non-judgmental, yet clear and forthright response. I am a sex & relationship coach and agree with everything you discuss here. I especially want to underscore that there is nothing sexy about being groped without permission. And there is nothing puritanical about having boundaries. What can be very sexy is having experiences where boundaries are respected. The hottest response to someone who says No is “Thank you for taking care of yourself.”