by Ram

Tree of Forgiveness by Edward Burne-Jones

Years ago, my wife and I faced a couple of traumatic experiences that could have severely disrupted our lives had we chosen to let them. When, where and how the emotions attached to the negative experience will surface depends on each individual. In our case, we were faced with several situations on an ongoing basis that constantly brought back those negative events. Like many others who face traumatic experiences, we had the choice of:

  • approaching a psychiatrist/psychologist
  • seeking a counselor
  • enrolling in a support group
  • choosing to do nothing

While we were not keen in sharing our personal experiences with others in the society, we did not wish to sink/drown in our sorrows, either. Even before we could consider a suitable option, we left Minnesota and made a major move to Marin County, CA. Several life-changing events enveloped us since our move to California. One among them was living in the vicinity of several yoga studios. Thus, we both enrolled in one of the leading yoga studios and, additionally, I chose to seek out Ayurveda while my wife moved into the area of Pranic Healing.

Yoga, meditation, pranayama, Ayurveda, and Pranic Healing may be different schools of learning but they all shared several basic underlying principles, including the aspect of focus (dharana) and the overlaying of painful memories with positive feelings and experiences. Thus, through these practices, we both came closer to transforming our negative experiences. Our daily practices of methods drawn from the above-mentioned sciences helped to lessen the impact of the harrowing events. They made these horrible experiences less intense, and we experienced less frequent flashbacks. But despite bringing in all of the above-mentioned practices into our lives, we were not able to completely alleviate the traumatic experiences. At the very far corner of our minds, we continued to harbor the negativity albeit at a low threshold. 

Then, a few years ago through the practice of self-study (svadhyaya), we came across a couple of original scriptures, including the Hatha Yoga Pradipika by Gorakshanatha and Yoga Yajnyavalkya Samhita. Both these texts describe ten yamas (including the five that I wrote about on this blog) that serve as moral guidelines to lead a conscious, honest, and ethical life. The fifth of the ten yamas mentioned in these scriptures is kshama, which is translated as forgiveness, forbearance, patience, or pardon. As my wife and I delved deeper into this concept, we realized the power of forgiveness. We started cultivating this quality and using it very often in our lives. And guess what? Over the years, forgiving actually helped us to erase that little speck of negativity that was deeply rooted in the far corner of our brains and brought us to a more “present state.” We could completely mitigate our past horrible experiences through the act of forgiveness, and gone was the sorrow, sadness, and flashbacks. The harrowing events disappeared completely; it was as if the nerves associated with these experiences had either withdrawn completely or had died down.

We understood that since the biggest obstacle to connecting with our true selves was hatred or bitterness. Forgiving the individuals who injured our minds and upset our emotional balance helped us to let go of the underlying emotions. Let me clarify that by forgiving, we were neither accepting nor forgetting the facts. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean we were overlooking/excusing the behavior or that we were correcting the wrong. Forgiveness only meant that we needed to free ourselves from the traumatic past and move on with those events cleared from our lives. Some of you may criticize that forgiveness may have been a free gift to those who hurt us, however, it brought enormous benefits to my wife and me. In order to forgive completely, we committed all our energy to the process (tapas), engaged in self-inquiry and introspection (svadhyaya), and cultivated a mind that saw divinity in all sentient beings (ishvara pranidhana). (See The Second Branch of Yoga: The Niyamas for more information on the niyamas in general, including tapas, svadhyaya, and ishvara pranidhana.)

How did this transformation happen? Well, according to recent research studies, if you forgive and let go, you are likely to enjoy lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and a drop in the stress hormones circulating in your blood. Additionally, other physical symptoms, including unexplained body pains, digestive issues, and migraine headaches, may disappear. At the emotional level, forgiving and letting go helps to curb anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, and other negative emotions. It also allows you to recall amiably the true though painful parts without the baggage of expletives running through your mind that stirs up hatred, tension, and tears. According to scientists at the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, “harboring unforgiveness comes at an emotional and a physiological cost. Cultivating forgiveness may cut these costs.” 

Recent research on the health benefits of forgiveness also shows that people who can make this mental shift may benefit yet in another way they didn’t anticipate—namely, living longer. In a study aptly entitled Forgive to Live, Luther College psychologist Loren Toussaint and colleagues investigated the relationship between forgiveness and lifespan in a U.S.-wide sample of 1500 adults aged 66 and older. The study, published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, tested the benefits of forgiveness to longevity. The study followed the subjects for three years to allow the researchers to determine whether forgiveness influenced health and mortality. After controlling for various parameters, including religion, social class, and health-related behaviors, the single parameter that greatly predicted mortality was the act of forgiveness. People who were averse to forgiving died early compared to people who were keen in forgiving. The people who refused to forgive continued to harbor resentment and grudges that affected their overall health. 

It is known that continually nursing negative feelings keeps stress levels high, and chronic stress is known to trigger early aging and death. Overall, forgiveness is linked to important aspects of physical and mental health. All the physical and psychological benefits that come with just that one act could be key in predicting a longer and healthy life. Is there someone you need to forgive? Let that be the best gift you give yourself this year.



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